Hello Reader. I would like to start off by apologizing for my terrible behavior and lack of attention to you over Christmas break. After an eventful trip to see lady liberty in NYC I planned on blogging, however I have been recovering from PTPD. Post Traumatic Plane Disorder. Yes, I am taking elaborate precautions and joining forces with Charlie Sheen to insure sky high results and a full recovery. Justin Bieber is keeping me company with a large Papa John’s pizza to provide me with comfort and stability. NeverSayNever.
The past couple days have been a Dennis the Menus dream of snow days; providing me with the opportunity to embrace my inner child by frolicking in the snow. However, my inner child is still recovering from PTPD and came to the conclusion to collect $200 to pass go and embrace my inner couch potato, topped with a triple serving of graduation anxiety. From one problem to another, this week I’m rolling with my homies Ellen, The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, and the cast of Jersey Shore. Thank goodness I didn’t leave my couch and miss anything, because reality television left me with many wise words to live by that even Oprah can’t OWN up to.
The super bowl is on Sunday and Ellen’s super bowl episode showed off Channing Tatum’s best assets, which resulted in me watching Step Up an embarrassing 3 times that afternoon.
On the RHWBH, the women got candid and “real” during a question and bitch session. Their smooth as a baby’s bottom skin glowed motionless as they reexamined their caddy cat fights of the season. From Kelsey Grammars’ Ex-Wife, who smirked her redesigned lips when told she was delusional, to child star little Mrs. Kimmy who cries weeee weeee weeee all the way home until she gets her way, this episode possess award winning qualities. Pinky promise Kim will end up on child stars gone bad one day. Soon. My favorites are Kyle, Liza, and Jiggy, which is Lisa’s adorable four legged daughter/sidekick (Dog). Since Cedrick, Lisa’s house guest, has official moved out I would be more than happy to fill his space and move in. Living in Liza’s house would be a dream come true. Turn on some Luda, slip into a pair of super soft socks and clear the hallways friends because it’s time for an ultimate sock sliding extravaganza. I could pick a new hallway everyday for a month and still not retrace my super fly sliddin moves.
Come Thursday around 5:00 p.m. I am preparing myself for the hour of eye open shenanigans that the thirsty Thursday episode of Jersey Shore sprays at me. This cultural experience got me wondering if it rained on Snookie after a spray tan, would she start spotting like a Dalmatian. On all fours she would resemble the very rare and limited addition Mexican breed Dalmatian. Grab a leash Angelina. I also prepare myself for the non-sanitary feeling I get because they look like they stepped out of an inferno, puffed their hair, and slopped on last nights shacker t-shirt. Snookie is so tan, that when the sun goes down she disappears because she blends in with the dark. Michael Jackson wanted to be like Eminem, Snookie wants to be like Chewy from Chelsea Lately.
We all have our aspirations.
We all have our aspirations.